


Bridge Night: Supervillain Style

by Tazzy_Ladynero



Category: City of Heroes, City of Villains
Genre: Crack, Gen, Surprise Characters - Freeform, just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazzy_Ladynero/pseuds/Tazzy_Ladynero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A surveilance team in a city teeming with heroes and villains leads to an interesting night....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bridge Night: Supervillain Style

**Author's Note:**

> My husband wrote this back when he first started playing CoH/CoV when it had recently come out (before World of Warcraft hit it big). I only recently found this one on my computer and with his permission, am posting it for your enjoyment. He wrote two other stories that followed this (posted on an old forum under the name AmericanFlagg he believes) but I can no longer find those. If anyone can point me towards those, I'll be delighted to add them here.
> 
> Neither one of us owns any of the characters and we are sad to see City of Heroes fading into the sunset.

::This is Tech-9 to hq, we've got live feed...::  
::Sounds good. Do we have them on scope?::  
::A-firmative. It's Doctor Vazhilok himself, and it looks like he's meeting with... Oh holy hell::  
::What is it, man?::  
::That's the Clockwork King! Hm. Not so many minions, I'm only seeing one Abomination, and one Cog...::  
::That IS strange. It's bad news if those two have decided to work together. Do you have audio?::  
::Should be cutting in right.. about.. now!::  
::God only knows what warped plans these insane monstrosities are contemplating... Listen well, our lives could depend on it....::

Dr. V: Hmm..... This decision will have far-reaching and perhaps unpleasant consequences...

CK: Your time is up Doctor! You must choose!

Cog: The master wishes you to choose!

Abomination: Murrrrrr....

Dr. V: Yet there is nothing that cannot be undone! Nothing, that cannot be removed from the fickle hand of fate! Like slicing into a malignant tumor, the skilled hand can excise even the most terrible mistake...

CK: Enough! Choose now, and our plan shall unfold!

Cog: Yes, it will unfold!

Dr. V: Very well... And let any who would gainsay this experiment hold silent their testimony.

Dr. V: I bid... 2 for hearts.

CK: You always bid hearts.

Dr. V: I prefer to engage in my area of expertise. 

CK: Whatever. I will... ::Pauses dramatically:: Pass!

Cog: So let it be known that on this day, at this hour, within this very minute, the King has Passed!

Dr. V: ....

Dr. V: Doesn't that ever grow tedious?

CK: I rather like it.

Cog: The King likes it! All hail the Great and Mighty Clockwork King!

Dr. V: Yes, but it's the same thing with every little activity you undertake. Larry, you, and myself are the only three sentients here. We KNOW what you are doing, We can SEE you! I don't need to know every time the "Great and Mighty" clockwork King has taken a trick, or the "Great and Mighty" Clockwork King has gotten up to refill the nacho dish!

CK: I can't help it if my subjects love me.

Cog: We love the Great and Mighty Clockwork King!

Dr. V: They don't have a choice in it, they are you! 

CK: I have no clue what you're talking about.

Cog: The Great and Mighty King has no clue... what.... Erm. 

Dr. V: Look, I will put it as simply as I can. The transferral of your brain to your current automated state of being has accelerated your insanity, and caused your psyche to fragment into numerous personalities supporting your ego. These personalities manifest within the constructs that you create, and....

CK: Whatever. I've bid, it's your corpse's turn.

Cog: The Great and Mighty King wishes your corpse to bid!

Dr. V: ...Lawrence is not a corpse.

CK: Oh, not this again...

Cog: The Great and Mighty King expresses weariness!

Dr. V: He's... he's a little slow, but he's still alive...

CK: No, he's not.

Cog: The Great and Mighty King denies your statement!

Dr. V: He is NOT dead! I repaired him! He has returned from the uncaring graces of death's door a once again healthy and outstanding specimen of humanity! 

Ab: Murrr....

Dr. V: Okay, he is a little slow, no way to stop oxygen deprivation in the process, but once we've got that licked Lawrence will be back up and fully functional in no time! He will rejoin society, discuss sporting events, even hold down a steady job and perhaps even find fulfillment in the establishment of a family! Okay, maybe there's a little residual rot but that's well under control, HE IS NOT DEAD!

CK: Right....

Cog: The Great and Mighty King expresses sar-

Dr. V: ::Raises his blade arm and smashes the Cog into a thousand pieces of scrap::

CK: ....

CK: Well, I hope you feel better now. Now what? Without a fourth we can't play!

Dr. V: I... sorry. I quite let my temper escape me.

CK: It happens. I'll just rebuild him later. But we DO need a fourth to play Bridge.

Dr. V: Do not worry, my kinetic-impelled friend... I have just the plan for this very situation! 

CK: MUHAHAHAHAHHAAAA

CK: ....

CK: Sorry, couldn't resist.

Dr. V: No matter. Follow me...

Ab: ::Sits alone in the darkened room, groaning to itself. Finally picks up his cards, and groans laboriously::

Ab: Threee..... Spades.....

Ab: ::Pauses and looks around, sees no one at the table::

Ab: .....Well.....damn....

 

::Alone in a darkened room, a single abomination sits staring listlessly at a hand of cards. Occasionally, he lifts one to chew on it. After a few minutes, Dr. Vazhilok and the Clockwork King come in from a side-door.::

CK: That was your master plan?

Dr. V: Now what are you griping about?

CK: That was pathetic! I wasted a good evil laugh on nothing!

Dr. V: Nothing? It will perform adequately enough for our needs.... and perhaps, beyond our expectations!

Ab: Hey....

CK: I am NOT getting worked up over you putting an ad on "EvilGamers.com". That is just PATHETIC!

Dr. V: What? it's simply the most modern way to find participants in amusing games who share the same moral and ethical standpoints. You'd prefer we end up with Statesman, or someone?

CK: I didn't even KNOW there was a meeting service for.... whoa. Statesman plays Bridge?

Dr. V: Yes, it's not a bad service. $2.95 a month, and... I don't know if he plays Bridge, it was...

Ab: Mr. Nemesis...

CK: That might actually work, think he'd be willing to put aside differences for a while and play a few rubbers?

Dr. V: Barring the absurdity of that idea, I only meant it as a rhetorical...

CK: I mean, I might have him figured wrong. Sure, he and his ilk are a hideous nuisance to my progress of spawning a new civilization, but if he's willing to play Bridge then we might be able to talk things out...

Dr. V: ::Sighs:: ....I have it on good authority that he's a backgammon man.

CK: Backgammon!? 

Ab: Was....

Dr. V: Sadly, yes.

CK: Who the hell plays backgammon anymore? Forget that.

Dr. V: Right. As I was saying, the wheels have been set in motion. Now we must simply wait for our plans to bear fruition...

Ab: Here...

CK: Look. Personals ads never work. Even for minor things like card games.

Dr. V: What? No, it is beyond the realm of probability. Such a simple task hardly merits anything beyond...

CK: Trust me, you always end up with the nuts. You're really better off going with people you know, even the annoying...

Dr. V: Wait... your tone would indicate experience with the subject at hand... Have you used personal advertisements before?

Ab: Are...

CK: ...

Dr. V: You have, haven't you!

Ab: You...

CK: Look, I...

Dr. V: Ah ha! And I am willing to wager it was something far more embarassing than a gaming personal, yes?

CK: Okay. Stop right there.

Ab: Even...

Dr. V: A touchy subject? Speak on, you have peaked my interest!

CK: Look. I'm two eyes and a brain in a tank, okay? I have trouble... meeting people... Everyone judges by appearances nowadays, if you're not MTV-perfect you don't have a chance.

Dr. V: So you put out a personal?

Ab: Listening...

CK: Yes. And MAYBE I exaggerated a little. But I learned my lesson from that, and...

Ab: to...

CK: What are you going on about, MINION! ::Turns menacingly to the Abomination::

Ab: ....

Ab: Nothing....

Dr. V: Oh, don't bully poor Larry. We're already down a fourth, if we lose him we might as well scrap the whole night.

CK: And whose fault is it that we're down a fourth?

Dr. V: I already said I was sor-

::Knocking is heard from off-camera::

Dr. V: HA! My plan was a success!

Heavily-accented Voice: Heil? Herr Doktor? Hallo!?

Dr. V: ....

CK: ....

Dr. V: It's Requiem.

CK: That Fifth Column Guy? Be quiet, maybe he didn't hear us.

Requiem: Herr Doktor? I know you ist in dere! 

Dr. V: I so do NOT need this.

Requiem: Open ze door! Schnell!

CK: Turn off the lights, maybe he'll go away.

Dr. V: ::Claps his hands together. The lights go out::

Requiem: I saw zat! Please, open Ze door.... I have brought der Karaoke and Strudel....

CK: Strudel?

Dr. V: Shh!

Requiem: ::Continues pounding for a few minutes::

Requiem: ze insult to der Fifth Column shall NOT go unheeded! Prepare for der Blitzkrieg of swift retribution! You shall rule the day you did not allow Requiem to attend der game night!

Requiem: ...

Requiem: Gott in Himmel, I am zo lonely...

::Sound of footsteps receding::

CK: You know, he did have Strudel...

Dr. V: No. Putting up with Requiem is not worth even the finest baked pastry. He gets weepy after a few beers. 

CK: You're probably right. So, no what?

Dr. V: We wait, and see who replies.

CK: We wouldn't have this problem if Nemesis were here.

Dr. V: Yes... But it IS Nemesis, he is incapable of keeping a schedule to save his life.

CK: You're telling me! Remember when he sent one of those fake doubles of his in his place?

Dr. V: That was a fake? I just thought he wasn't feeling talkative...

CK: No, I know automatons. Trust me, it was a fake.

Dr. V: Hm. Now I DO feel embarassed, he cleaned me out that night.

CK: Ah, relax. So he's not here. Just means we don't have to pretend to like his salmon loaf.

Dr. V: True. At least a century old, you would think he'd have learned more recipes...

CK: So, how long are we going to be waiting?

Dr. V: At this point I cannot estimate that answer... 

CK: Great. So what do we do in the meantime?

Dr. V: Well... I'd rented a few movies for later. Among other cinematic documentaries, I procured a Jet Li movie called "The One". Interested?

CK: Jet Li? Ah, it'll be good. Sure, why not.

Ab: ::Sits alone in the room, again.::

Ab: Damn....

Ab: That...

Ab: Was...

Ab: Close... 

::A single light bulb flickers in a dark room. An abomination lies unmoving, its head down on the table. Playing cards lie scattered about. After a few minutes, Dr. Vazhilok and the   
Clockwork King come in from a side door::

CK: Worst. Movie. Ever.

Dr.V: I would be hard pressed to dispute your assessment of that particular work of cinematography, but your earlier response was ENTIRELY unnecessary!

CK: Look, the TV was begging me to put it out of its misery! You should never have corrupted that innocent plasma-screen with "The One"!

Dr.V: Oh, so now my entertainment center is talking to you?

CK: Yes, it was screaming "Jet! Jet! Why have you forsaken me Jet!"

Dr.V: I somehow doubt that. That was a $3000 television set, too! And those speakers were new! My god man, they were Dolby! Have you no respect for the melodious miracle of surround-sound?

CK: Not when "The One"'s playing, I don't. That just means I have to hear those inane lines all the more clearly...

Dr.V: Right... You know who's going to be paying for... oh, darn.

CK: What?

Dr.V: The stress must have been too much for poor Larry, he's sleeping.

CK: ...

CK: How can you tell?

Dr.V: Well, he's not moving and the increased flies would indicate that his decomposition has accelerated.

CK: ::Examines the abomination closely:: Uh, I don't think he's sleeping...

Dr.V: No, no, it happens sometimes. These older models are easily stressed by social interaction.

CK: No, I think he's dead. Well, again, I mean.

Dr.V: .....Lawrence is not dead.

CK: Ah... haven't we been through this before?

Dr.V: ....He's... He's sleeping, I tell you! He's just sleeping!

CK: Ah...huh. Right... Well, then....

CK: ::Slaps the abomination around:: WAKE UP! C'mon Larry, rise and shine!

CK: Helloooo.... Larrrryyyy....

Dr.V: ::Watches in shocked silence::

CK: ::Puts his hands on the abomination's face, and moves its jaw::

CK: ::Muffled Voice:: I'm sorry, I can't wake up because I'm too busy being dead! I'm a dead man! A corpse is I!

Dr.V: STOP THIS INDIGNITY AT ONCE! ::Arms his handcannon with an audible *CLICK*::

CK: ::Drops the abomination:: Right, right, I was just trying to point out that...

Dr.V: I have quite enough of your perfidious points! I am a trained medical professional...

CK: ::Mutters:: A University of Phoenix 2-year diploma doesn't count...

Dr.V: And if I say he's sleeping, then he's bloody well somnolent! I'll just have to wake him up again... I did it once, I can do it again!

CK: Ah. Right. I'll just go...

Dr.V: YOU will go fix the entertainment system that you just BROKE! And then we will wait in silence for another player so we can have a NICE RELAXING AND FRIENDLY game of Bridge!

Dr.V: ::Picks up the abomination, puts him over his knee and starts pulling out surgical equipment::

CK: Geeze, calm the Hell down... Sleeping... yeah, right. ::Moves out the side door:: Sleeping my brass behind....

::Several minutes pass as Dr. Vazhilok works on the abomination.::

Dr.V: No, no.. complete biomechanical failure, this will require replacement...

::A knocking is heard from off-camera, and a female voice calls out::

Feminine Voice: Hello?

Dr.V: ::Doesn't seem to hear. Twists something inside the abomination::

Ab: Murrr....

Dr.V: Well, the vocal cords work as well as ever... let's try the higher-order threat response programming....

Feminine Voice: ::Gets a little louder, as the speaker approaches:: Is this where the game night is? I saw the personal ad on "Evilgamers.com"....

Dr.V: ::Lost in his work, makes a few adjustments. The abomination's arm punches him in the chest, he barely seems to notice:: Right, melee combat is enabled, now to adjust the ranged parameters...

::Vanessa De Vore enters, as the Abomination jerks straight upright and spews out caustic vomit. She barely manages to dodge out of the way::

Dr.V: Well, that seems to be functional as well, I wonder if... hm? Who are you?

VdV: ....

VdV: You....

VdV: Disgusting!

VdV: THING! ::Raises a hand, and literally explodes the Abomination with telekinetic force::

Dr.V: ::Looks around at the bits of Lawrence and shrugs::

Dr.V: Well, that's great. That is just great! And I'd just woken him back up, too! Now I must start over again... 

VdV: I... have never... in my life been so....

Dr.V: Wait, you're the leader of the Carnival of Shadows! Why are you here?

VdV: ...insulted. And to think, to THINK that I was considering gracing your...

Dr.V: Ah, wait, are you here for Bridge?

VdV: ...PATHETIC little game with my ethereal grace, witty repartee and stunning beauty...

Dr.V: You are? Great! Hey, forget the Television for now, we have company!

VdV: ...There is nothing, NOTHING that you can say or do to erase the memory of this INSULT to...

CK: ::Enters from the side-door:: Great, so we finally have a fourth? This is...

VdV: ....

CK: ....

VdV: ....Clocky?

CK: Oh God.

Dr.V: ....

Dr.V: Well... You two know each other.... ah....

VdV: It IS you? Where have you been? Why don't you return my calls?

CK: .... Ah... Vanny... it's... good to see you...

Dr.V: ...ah. Right. I'll just... go fix Lawrence.. somewhere else. Yes. Somewhere else not in this room at the minute. Yes, that will be exemplary...

Dr.V: ::Scoops abomination bits into a body bag and runs like hell::

CK: ....

VdV: ....

Abomination's forgotten and severed head: ....Well. This. Is. Awkward....

::Static, fading into a view of a shadowy room. Vanessa De Vore and the Clockwork King are sitting at a table, staring at each other. The Clockwork King is shuffling a deck of playing cards.::

CK: ....

VdV: .....

CK and VdV simultaneously: So, how....

::The two stop, and chuckle nervously::

CK: Doing all right. Kind of surprised to see you... why are you in town?

VdV: Oh, I live here now.

CK: WHAT!!? Uh, I mean, you do?

VdV: Why, yes! My sister invited me to visit, and once I found out YOU were here, well...

CK: Sister? No, never mind, I don't want to know, but listen...

VdV: ...I knew it had to be fate! I mean, I could be close to family, I got a great deal on an old Carnival, and of course, there's US to consider...

CK: ...Ah, whoa, time out, time out, look....

VdV: ...Now, I didn't think I would find you so soon, I was waiting to surprise you! But this has to be fate... so where are you living now? Street address would be good too, the movers will need to know it...

CK: ...Help....

::The Doorbell rings from off scene::

CK: Ah! I'll go get that, yes! Yes, somebody needs to get that. I'll do it!

CK: ::Practically runs off camera::

VdV: ::Watches him go, and sighs. Holds up a mirror, pulls out a lipstick tube and starts touching up the mouth of her mask::

CK: ::Muffled, from off-camera:: Hello? WHAT THE HELL! GAH! ::Sounds of mechanical clanging::

VdV: Clocky? Are you having trouble out there?

CK: ::Stomps back into the room::

CK: I'm fine. Some jerk left a burning paper bag on the Doc's porch...

VdV: ::Wrinkles her nose:: Clocky? There's something on your foot...

CK: ::Examines his foot:: Son-of-a.....

Requiem: ::Muffled, from off-camera:: HA! Mein revenge has chust begun! Feel the burning wrath of der Fifth Column! ::Sound of footsteps retreating::

CK: I don't believe this...

::Dr. Vazhilok enters from off-camera::

Dr. V: Ah, there it is. ::Scoops up the severed head of an abomination:: Sorry to intrude, I'll just... what IS that smell?

CK: It's dog crap. Requiem just did the flaming bag of dog crap trick on your doorstep.

Dr. V: ....

Dr. V: You're joking.

CK: No, I wish I was. But I'm not. Man, no wonder they lost the war!

Dr. V: Well, it is Requiem. Fear not though, I have installed just the thing to counter the machinations of the Fifth Column!

Dr. V: MAIN SCREEN, TURN ON!

CK: ...

CK: PAhahahahahahhaaaa!

VdV: Hm? Is something funny?

CK: No, you see, there's this game called Zero Wing...

Dr. V: Whatever you are babbling about, that bears little relevance now. Examine the viewscreen and we shall search for this incomparable idiot...

Dr. V: ::Points at the large viewscreen that dropped from the ceiling. Pulls out a remote and starts flipping channels::

CK: ...and there's this line, "All your base are belong to us!", that's gotten...

Dr. V: Ah, there he is! I've got him on camera 2, and....

Dr. V: ...What the hell is he doing?

CK: ...Huh? Oh. It looks like he's egging your car.

Dr. V: Egging.... My new Aztek!

Dr. V: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Dr.V: ::Goes running off-camera:: You MONSTER!

VdV: What is he so worried about? it's just a Pontiac...

CK: Ah, it's his first SUV. I think he has delusions of actually driving it off-road some...

CK: Uh, Vanny? Is that your foot?

VdV: MMmhm... 

CK: That's ah, that's disturbingly cute actually, but you're rubbing your foot against the one that I used to stomp out the poo-bomb.

VdV: WHAT!!!!!!???

VdV: ::Curses like a sailor, jumps to her feet and runs off-camera:: These heels were Versace!!!! It's not too late, maybe I can save them!!!

CK: ::Buries his brain-jar in his hands::

Dr. V: ::Enters from off-camera::

Dr. V: Ruined. Totally and utterly ruined, I'll have to get it re-painted... what is wrong?

CK: It's HER.

Dr. V: What? Is there something between you and her? I certainly got that impression...

CK: Ah... you know how earlier we were talking about personal ads?

Dr. V: You mean to say, that she is...

CK: Mmhm. The reason I don't trust personals anymore. Major nut.

Dr. V: Strange... she seems to be, in the vernacular of today's modern youth, a "Total Hottie".

CK: Yeah, she's hot, but she's co-dependant like you wouldn't believe!

CK: Two dates in and she was looking for a wedding dress!

CK: She never takes that mask off, and I mean NEVER!!!

Dr. V: ...

Dr. V: To save the contents of my stomach from immediate expulsion, I'm going to ignore the ramifications of that last sentence. Why not just tell her you're not interested?

CK: I've TRIED! She ignores anything that doesn't fit into her little worldview! She's lost it totally... I had to move here without a forwarding address to keep her from setting a wedding date!

Dr. V: Well, it does sound like you have a problem...

CK: Look, throw her out, okay?

Dr. V: What?

CK: Get her out of here! I'm not playing if she stays.

Dr. V: Out of the question. 

CK: But why?

Dr. V: Have you seen how tough those carnies are? If she set her forces against mine our lairs would look as if someone had detonated a vat of beef stroganoff in the sewers! No, she's your problem, you take care of her...

CK: ::Sighs:: Dammit. Okay. Well, maybe if I can distract her... huh? 

Dr. V: What?

CK: Check out the main screen...

Dr. V: Oh no...

CK: Oh yes.

Dr. V: He's not...

CK: Yes. Requiem, the immortal leader of the last vestiges of the third Reich, supersoldier, archvillain, and threat to Paragon city is TP'ing your lawn.

Dr. V: This meddling malfeseance of a human tumor has now GONE TOO FAR!!!

Dr. V: I never thought I would consider this...

CK: Surely, you don't mean...

Dr. V: Yes. He has left me with no other choice.

VdV: ::Enters from off-camera::

VdV: Clocky? What did I miss?

Dr. V: Requiem has gone too far. His guerilla tactics are beyond our capability to counter, and his dastardly deeds can no longer be tolerated.

Dr. V: We must call in the heroes...


End file.
